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by Peter Moskos

March 5, 2012

Six Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying

#6. "Well, $500,000 a Year Might Sound Like a Lot, but I'm Hardly Rich."

#5. "Hey, I Worked Hard to Get What I Have!"

#4. "If I Can Do It, So Can You!"

#3. "You're Just Jealous Because I Made It and You Didn't!"

#2. "You Shouldn't Be Punishing the Very People Who Make This Country Work!"

#1. "Stop Asking for Handouts! I Never Got Help from Anybody!"

For the long and thoughtful explanations of each, go to cracked.com.

[thanks to somebody for liking this on facebook]


NewOldSalt said...

I was more of a Mad magazine kind of kid, I didn’t like Cracked magazine. But I see that many years later, Mad seems to have gone bankrupt and Cracked lives on.


PCM said...

Cracked was always a poor man's Mad.

But is that the Cracked from which cracked.com comes from?

And Mad is still around. I buy one every now and then, usually when waiting late at night for a subway. It still has its moments.

NewOldSalt said...

Hm PCM, it sounds like you are trying to peg me as some sort of rich kid! ;-) "Cracked was always a poor man's Mad."

I’ll have you know I worked hard delivering newspapers to earn my pittance, I was hardly rich, and you shouldn’t be punishing the very people who brought the day’s propaganda to the masses. If I could do it, so could others! I was the one who trudged and biked through snow to give my handouts to others! ;-)

It’s been decades since I’ve read either. Although I have to admit I have a tiny stash of Mad’s in my closet … checking … a quick sample shows one of them is from 1973 and others are from the early 1980’s. Seems I still have about 20. I used to have far more, including many of the hundred+ page books various cartoonists published.

My dad never got into them, but he had a friend who was far older, who loved them; he would read my copies when he came over and laugh hard.

Good to know they’re still around; I thought I’d heard stories of their bankruptcy more than a few times over the years. Life is too hard for people who want to create, too many forms and boring byzantine useless paperwork.

I know this sounds weird, but Mad was more classy in my mind than Cracked. Cracked magazine seemed crass. But I have to admit that 30+ years after the fact I can’t exactly quote anything.

PCM said...

I meant no inference on your deprived childhood! And besides, Mad was, as they always told us, super cheap!

I just meant what you say: Cracked, compared to Mad, sucked. Mad *was* more classy. And the humor was deeper and had some subtlety. Cracked was just a Mad wanna-be! You had good taste as a kid. I'm sure you still do.

According to Wikipedia: Cracked again canceled its print magazine in February 2007 after three issues. Later that year, the brand was carried over to a website.

PCM said...

Did I say "deprived"? My bad. I meant hard working and dedicated!

NewOldSalt said...

But is that the Cracked from which cracked.com comes from?

I was under that impression.

I know one can’t copyright a title, but I have a feeling there would be serious lawsuits if they weren’t related. Especially since there are more than a few synonyms for Mad/Cracked/Warped/etc…


PCM said...

And apparently they went to a "lad magazine" format in the last few years. It didn't work. But it does explain how their website can have more serious pieces, like the one this post is about.

NewOldSalt said...

Lad Magazine … wasn’t that an effort they undertook with Pastor Ted Haggard and Senator Larry Craig?

Didn’t that go limp like Senator Mark Souder’s political career?

PCM said...

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of toilets flushing and my foot tapping.

I've glad just *thinking* about Mad can bring our minds into the toilet!

NewOldSalt said...


Hey! Are you accusing me of being gay?!


I was only going to the bathroom to smoke!

You bloody rebel Americans may be a bunch of flamers but when us British say we suck fags we mean something different.

PCM said...

Good stuff, that onion is.

Also, if you say my pants are wet, that means something else in the UK as well. I learned that the hard way.

NewOldSalt said...

Hm … “hard way.” And your “pants are wet.”

You’d better be glad I’m so innocent and naive so as to not notice whatever endentures you be trying to sign me on to thus enslaving me.

Thanks for the laughs and opportunity to crack jokes. :-)

PCM said...

But seriously, how does anybody say "trousers" with a straight face?!

NewOldSalt said...

Hm, one would think that given the proximity of one’s pants to one’s trousers, that if either one was wet, it would only be a matter of moments before wicking action took place, and vice versa.

Thus gaining a bit of face saving in trying to explain things. :-)

Stan R. Mitchell said...

Wow. Love these! Thanks for posting them.